i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
