Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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