The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
