break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hippo gnu deer
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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