You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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