Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
