question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
