hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Will exercising make me less horny?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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