i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
