may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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