You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
