you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
