dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
