roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
