And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
