Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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