So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
