Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you had me at cake vodka
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
