My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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