Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
