i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
