I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
