i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
