Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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