Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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