Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
