I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
