he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
tell me about the eggs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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