We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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