I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
