I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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