You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
