dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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