I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
