what day is it and did you see me today?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
