Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
