So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
