I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
