the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
