I cannot find my penis.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
