you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
