Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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