im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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