Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
