Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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