I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
