I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
