I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They took my balls.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
