Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
