ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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