I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
