So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
