She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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