The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
