I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
