her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
