you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The ass gains better be worth it
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